Report: Majority of Money Donated At Church Doesn't Make It To God
ONION RELIGION BUREAU
WASHINGTON - A shocking report released Monday by the Internal Revenue Service revealed that more than 65 percent of the money donated at churches across the world never reaches God. "Unfortunately, almost half of all collections go toward administrative expenses such as management, utilities, and clerical costs," said Virginia Raeburn, a spokesman for the Lord Almighty, adding that another 25 percent of heavenly funding is needed just to cover payroll for angelic hierarchy. "People always assume God is filthy rich, but they'd be surprised to learn His net worth is only around $8 million - and most of that is tied up in real estate. " According to Raeburn, God currently has enough money to live comfortably throughout all eternity, but He may be forced to shutter a number of under-performing religions.
[source: The Onion, January 13, 2011, Vol. 47 Issue 62]